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27 Game Boy Haikus

8/28/2020

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Recently I picked up a handful of Game Boy and Game Boy Color games, as I was in need of games I could quickly pick up and put down while juggling a newborn. While I had an original Game Boy as a child I had only a couple of games, making this unexplored territory for me. After playing each I commemorated my experience with a haiku. Some snarky, some celebratory, and others simply about the mood and impression the game imprinted on me.
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Tetris
Gravity fulfilled
Ephemeral compartments
Raining infinite


Centipede
Swirling insects bend
Rainbow mushrooms blooming bright
Illuminations


Metal Gear Solid
Cinematic charm
Infiltrate the base with stealth
My rank: terrible


The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages
Duality blend
Masterful dungeon design
Ultimate puzzle


The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons
Flowers blooming bright
Heat brings vines to fallen leaves
Frozen lakes shimmer


​Mario Golf
Crisp fairway stretches
Soothing peace of open space
Pierce the air soaring


Jurassic Park
Welcome to the park
Where dinosaurs drop ammo
Clever bazooka 


Star Wars
Float high in the air
Jawas explode by your hand
Han is not with you


Resident Evil: Gaiden
Horror repeating 
This series is boat obsessed
Save file lost at sea


Resident Evil
Boldly ambitious 
Dining without a table
Failed experiment 


Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2
Old names and faces
Takes me back to a fond time
Skateboards roll through dreams


Donkey Kong 
How does it translate?
Broken copy of this game
Never to be played


Wizards & Warriors X: Fortress of Fear
The warrior returns
The cruelty of bad music
​And no continues


Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fall of the Foot Clan
All turtles the same
Zero unique qualities
Pizza lacking taste
Castlevania: The Adventure
Trudging through the mud
Impossible pitfall shame
Hunter is hunted


Castlevania II: Belmont’s Revenge 
Reborn in sequel
Demo wholly rectified
Revenge is attained 


Castlevania Legends
Respawns irritate
Ariel motion unnerves
Charmed by Alucard


Mickey’s Ultimate Challenge
String of baby games
Not what I was expecting
That’s on me I guess


Pac-Man
Reminds of pizza days
Binoculars isolate
A limited view


Bionic Commando: Elite Forces
A journey ends short
Item select glitch blocks path
Am I missing much?


Alone in the Dark: The New Nightmare
Rub against the walls
Far from Resident Evil
Limitations felt


The Final Fantasy Legend
Built on sand and mud
Blind we walk through the dense fog
Forget this square world 


Final Fantasy Legend II
Better than before
Overwhelmed by endless rules
Our destiny lost


Final Fantasy Legend III
Flood of evil spreads
Future warriors embark
Rebuild history


Super Battletanks
Desert empty field
Nothingness meets fake 3D
Spinning endlessly

​
Milan’s Secret Castle
Like the N-E-S
Plus lag and a smaller screen
Never liked this one


Yoshi’s Cookie 
Sweet, sweet alignment
A factory of friendship 
Baking harmony​
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King Luka

8/26/2020

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Baby Luka joined the world on July 16th, 2020. Leading up to his birth we prepared. We read books and articles (especially my wife), we learned from our friends, and we got the house ready. Everyone tells you that no matter how much you prepare you have to learn on the job, especially because every baby is unique. This is absolutely the truth.

Six weeks into our journey I am reflecting. This is my way to both remember this moment in time and guide others so that they can be just a little more (mentally) prepared.

I won’t tell you about particular techniques like the 5 Ss or other principles and tactics. There’s plenty of well-documented materials on these subjects already out there. And while I will argue that no amount of books will fully prepare you I do encourage you to read up so that you have a base level understanding. I personally found the courses and books to be informative.


The stuff they say you need and the stuff you later discover

There’s so much stuff that people say you need and we did extensive research prior to our birth date so that we could have the house armed and ready for the little terrorist. We were lucky to receive a ton of hand-me-downs and gifts, and our friends and family helped us understand how all the various tools work.

First, here are all of the items we had ready before the baby arrived:
  • Clothes. So many clothes. Too many clothes. Don’t bother buying clothes yourself as this is the number one thing people will hand down to you. Because we don’t like clutter we ended up splitting up the piles of clothing into ages groups, and then boxed and labeled them for a later date.
  • Nursery. Yes, get that set up before the baby arrives. In fact, do everything you possibly can before the baby arrives that is within your budget and power. Your future self will thank you, as there will be plenty of surprises down the road. For our nursery we have a crib, dresser, changing table, disposable pads for the changing table, diapers, diaper pail, diaper pail bags, book shelf, books, mobile, white noise machine, swaddles, blankets, burp cloths, futon, medical supplies (rash cream, gripe water, etc.), nail clipper, toys, water wipes, decorated wall with decals, monitor, hamper, pacifiers, and sheets.
  • Boba Wrap. It protects your baby like the Cloak of Levitation.
  • Boppy Newborn Lounger. Newborns love to be curled up a little, and aren’t stoked when laying flat on their back. This thing is our go-to device for plopping the baby down while we frantically run around the house.
  • Pump machine, nursing pillow, nursing bras, pads, etc.
  • Bath time stuff. You’ll need something to put them in, soap or shampoo that is baby safe, some sponges, and a baby towel.
  • Baby safe laundry detergent
  • Stroller and car seat combo plus a diaper bag

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When it comes to free stuff, besides hand-me-downs we also received a ton of goodies from the hospital. Make sure to bring an extra bag with you, kind of like what Michael Scott did on The Office when he went to on his business trip and brought an extra suit case just for souvenirs. Here’s some of the great stuff they hooked us up with, much of which you will want to get if you aren’t as lucky:
  • A plastic wash bin you can keep in your sink. This is great when you want to drop spent bottles and nipple shields into soapy water to soak, and then wash later in batches.
  • Blankets, diapers, bottles, nipple shields, pumping materials, shampoo, and ointments.

So we looked prepared, right? Well, there’s more stuff we later discovered we needed (or at least very much wanted). Here’s the list:
  • Power strips. Lots of power strips. There’s so much stuff that needs to be plugged in. When you are tired and frustrated, having to constantly bend over behind a large piece of furniture to swap plugs is torturous.
  • Fans and/or AC. We live in San Francisco where practically no one has AC. It just so happens that we brought our son home in the summer, during a heat wave, while the air was filled with toxic smoke from wild fires. This meant we had to keep our windows locked up tight while we roasted inside, positioning our pitiful fans in optimized positions for Mr. Baby. His bassinet was a protected cocoon while we baked in bed. We’ve since invested in a portable AC that is good enough to cool one room.
  • The SNOO. The SNOO is a massive leap forward in bassinet technology. Whereas a bassinet just lazily sits there not helping the exhausted parents, the SNOO sways, vibrates, produces heart beats, spews white noise, and increases intensity automatically when the baby starts to fuss. Now, it isn’t perfect, otherwise a lot of my complaints above wouldn’t exist. No product is. But I can say this is a huge game changer for us and has clearly saved us from experiencing worse sleep a number of times. The biggest drawback is the steep purchase price, and thankfully there is an option to rent, which is what we did.
  • An electric nail clipper. We had a standard clipper and were too scared to use it on our fragile little blob. With our electric clipper, which essentially is like a Dremel for babies, we trim his nails while he is feeding, as the white nectar acts as a distraction.
  • A drying rack just for the baby’s things. I had convinced myself that our standard drying rack would suffice. I was wrong. We ended up with two of the Boon Drying Racks in addition to our adult sized rack.
  • A second set of breast pumps. TMI time: when one breast is in use the other will leak. Get two of these so you always have a clean one ready. We use the Haakaa Manual Breast pump. Just be prepared for a fussy baby to Hulk smash it all over the place.
  • White noise machines all seem to have a huge flaw: they loop the same sound every 4 seconds. And the loops are painfully obvious so your brain can never relax. I scoured review after review on dozens of products and this was a common complaint across all of them. So I ended up making a playlist on Spotify that has true ambient, white noise tracks which I play from my phone. Once the baby isn’t in our room this won’t be an issue, as he doesn’t seem to notice the poor audio construction.
  • Window shade to shield the baby while in the car seat
  • Tap night lights. We bought a couple of these to keep on our nightstands. These are key because they emit a low level of light, which keeps both the baby sleepy for the dream feed and your partner happy when they aren't on their shift. 
  • A thermometer. The ideal temperature for a baby's room is between 68 and 72 degrees.

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The falsehood of sleeping when the baby sleeps

You’re going to receive a lot of advice that won’t always pan out. Take it all in and recognize that not everything will work in your favor. And likewise keep in mind that something that works one day won’t necessarily work the next. You’ll experiment in search of the holy grail just to discover that there is no perfect recipe. This isn’t a mystery to be solved. This is a marathon. This is about endurance.

People will tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps. That this is your chance to make up for all those interrupted moments late at night. What they won’t tell you is that it’s not as simple as “baby sleeps, so I sleep”. In reality, babies grunt a lot when they sleep, so at night when you sleep near them, your quality of sleep will decrease. Plus, if you’re like me, that sound machine that soothes him will have the reverse effect on you.

When it comes to you trying to nap during the day, even with two parents working full time to serve the tyrant king, you can’t expect to always be on break when he goes down because while you were spending all that time cleaning, feeding, changing, soothing, and agonizing over the baby, a multitude of chores have amassed. So you scramble. You clean all of the bottles, empty the diaper pail, toss in a load of the baby’s soiled laundry, scrub that spit up from the couch, and reset the pumping station. And that’s just the baby’s stuff. There’s plenty to still do for the house. Perhaps the house is in disarray and you accept this as a temporary state of turmoil. Even still, you need to empty the dish washer, get groceries, satisfy the grand parents with photos texted their way, feed yourself, use the bathroom, and, if you are lucky, try to squeeze in some exercise. All this is to say is that his down time does not 100% equate to your down time, so mentally prepare for this. And if you are like me and my wife, telling your brain to shut off for a nap, despite how utterly tired you may be, holds no guarantees.

There’s another factor: the baby doesn’t always sleep on its own, particularly in these early months. The first 3 months of life are what are known as the 4th trimester where the baby is most at peace when you emulate womb like conditions. When it comes to sleep during the day, this may mean that he just wants to be held. Since it’s unsafe to sleep while the baby is attached to you this means you might as well use the time to get those previously mentioned chores done. Thankfully there is a cheap and effective device to make this a hands-free operation, and that’s the Boba Wrap. For us it works like magic, as it essentially mimics the womb which makes the baby king very pleased. Very pleased indeed.


Feeding Frustrations

I’ll keep this brief, as there’s just too much to say here and the journey isn’t over yet. Long story short, our baby is an inefficient eater. He takes far too long to get full, is a fussy eater, and the advice we received from various professionals would fall flat time and time again. We ended up having a tong-tie procedure performed that may or may not have helped a little.

We received lactation consultation over the phone, email, and Zoom, due to COVID-19, and needless to say this is a service that can only go so far via virtual means. After hitting many dead ends we finally were able to find an in person LC, though we remain to see if their advice will reap any benefits.

The good news is that our baby is growing. We just have to feed him longer and more frequently than one should, which is frustrating for both the parents and the baby.


In closing…

I’m sure I have more to say. I just can’t remember or think clearly any more. My brain is mush. Even now I write this as quickly as possible as the time-bomb ticks in his stroller that we were too scared to take him out of prematurely.

Despite the complaints it is worth it. You will be frustrated and exhausted, and then out of nowhere he will surprise you with a smile that will melt away all of your anxiety.

My top advice is to be patient. Be patient to your partner, to your baby, and to yourself. A wise man once said “Take care of yourself, and each other”.

Good luck out there.

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Rapid Reviews Part VIII

8/23/2020

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More quick reviews.

  • The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages (Game Boy Color) - Easily one of the best Zelda titles and arguably the best dungeon design of any Zelda game.
  • The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons (Game Boy) - Playing this back to back with Ages was so much fun. Compared to Ages, Seasons is a bit more action oriented whereas Ages leans more heavily on puzzles.
  • Firewatch (PS4) - A simplistically delivered heartfelt story.
  • Carrion (Switch) - Repetitive, confusing, boring, and unnecessarily convoluted. One of the worst Metroidvanias ever produced. And to brand this as “horror” is just silly.
  • Panzer Paladin (Switch) - It’s got the retro look, fun weapons, and the cool anime inspired cut scenes. Gameplay and level design is where it falls short.
  • Curse of the Moon 2 (Switch) - The sequel that satisfied the itch left by the original. And yet still I crave more.
  • Mario Land 2 (Game Boy) - It’s intuitive, the power-ups are simple yet fun, you have freedom to chose what order to tackle levels, there’s secret stages, the check points curb any frustration, the water levels don’t suck, and Wario is awesome.
  • Castlevania Adventure (Game Boy) - You move like you are walking through mid, there’s no sub weapons, the hit collision on Belmont is unfairly large, you lose whip upgrades with damage, the gap jumps are ridiculously difficult, and the level design feels disconnected from the reality of the environments they are meant to exist in.
  • Brothers (PS4) - The mechanics are unique and at first a bit of a brain teaser to get accustomed to as it requires you to multitask in the truest sense of the word. It’s how I imagine drummers feel when they first learn how to play.
  • Resident Evil: Gaiden (Game Boy) - Unlike the failed, overly ambitious Game Boy version of the original Resident Evil (an unfinished demo), Gaiden smartly employs a battle mechanic that fits into the simplicity of the hardware. Where it suffers is in the dialogue that seems to have been outsourced to an elementary school student.
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    Brian Riggsbee lives in San Francisco CA. He enjoys gaming, writing, creating art, practicing Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, chasing adorable dogs, and spending time with his wife and boy.

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